Have you ever had one of those feelings like you have been there, done that, lived through something already? Just like the poor guy on the movie Groundhog Day where he has to live the same day over and over again. You know that you have done so much to make things different, make things better, fought so hard... and then to find yourself basically right back where you started is just agonizing!
This school year was going to be different, this school year was going to be the best one yet... and in a matter of days and weeks I feel like we are right back where we were 3 years ago when this all started in 1st grade. He is impulsive with his emotions and actions, he can't focus and doesn't care. All the accomodations aren't helping. He hates school, he thinks that everyone at school hates him. He is having meltdowns all the time and we never know what is going to set him off. Homework is our daily hour of frustration and tears. He throws a fit every time he doesn't get his way. He is rude and disrespectful and gets in trouble on a daily basis.
What changed? What happened? Where did we go wrong? I have been racking my brains trying to figure out what is different now than just a couple of months ago - why have we regressed so far back? He knows he should make a different choice and is very remorseful after an incident, but he can't stop himself in the moment - his impulsiveness cannot be controlled. It is as if he has no control... something is not right in his brain and it is just not working the way it should. When I talk to him after an incident he is upset because he is out of control and he can't stop himself. My heart just breaks... I can't imagine feeling so out of control and how scary that must be for him.
We are going back to the basics... retesting his neurotransmitters to see what is out of whack and needs to be adjusted. I have even thought about medicating him again to bring him back to a baseline so that he can cope through this situation and get things back on track. There are a couple of things I am going to look into this time... chiropractic sessions, a special Doctor of Osteopathy that has some different methods to help, and probably will go back to doing biofeedback to help him get in touch with his emotions and triggers and how to handle situations differently.
I know that everything happens for a reason and this too will work out in the end. I have faith that God will bring the right resources at the right times to help us through this rough spot. I am just hoping and praying that tomorrow will be the day that I wake up and don't have to re-live my own "groundhog day" again.